Oh, Maryland Matters. The name just oozes neutrality, doesn’t it? Like something cooked up in a civic-minded think tank powered entirely by granola and NPR tote bags. “Maryland Matters” — because, of course, Maryland matters so much, they had to name a whole newsroom after it. Nonpartisan? Absolutely. In the same way your cousin who volunteers for three Democratic campaigns and a composting initiative is “just independent.”
Let’s take a stroll through this bastion of journalistic objectivity, where “nonpartisan” means never explicitly saying Republican without “hard-right,” “ultra-conservative,” or “Trump-aligned” five words before or after. And Democrats? Oh, they’re “seasoned public servants,” “education advocates,” or “concerned community leaders.” The only thing missing is a halo photoshopped in behind them like they just walked out of a Baltimore resurrection.
Balance? Please.
Sure, they’ll toss in a token Republican op-ed now and then — you know, just to prove they do hear both sides. Usually something from the one Republican who shows up to Annapolis wearing an American flag tie and apologizing profusely for the existence of fossil fuels. They give him 600 words buried between a glowing tribute to Wes Moore’s climate budget and an exposé on why local GOP candidates are probably funded by Big Milk or something.
The Headlines Don’t Lie (Except When They Do)
Here’s a recent favorite: “Moore Charts a Bold Vision for Equity and Progress.” Sounds like a Disney movie starring Cory Booker. Meanwhile, Republicans get headlines like “Conservatives Push Dubious Budget Math in Desperate Bid for Relevance.” Who writes these? The ghost of Rachel Maddow?
And let’s not forget the story placement. If a progressive cause wins a local zoning board vote, it’s front-page news with balloons and confetti. If a bipartisan watchdog uncovers government waste in a liberal county? Page six, next to an op-ed on how banning plastic bags is the same as civil rights.
Follow the Money (Or the Freelancers)
Maryland Matters claims to be funded by “foundations” and “donors,” which is code for, “Yes, we got that Soros check, but please don’t make it weird.” Their writers are often recycled from the same Beltway circles that think the Green New Deal is “a little too moderate” and view Larry Hogan as the second coming of Jefferson Davis.
Still not convinced? Just look at their comment moderation policy. The moment someone drops a mild critique of Montgomery County’s spending habits, they’re banned faster than a book in Florida.
It’s Not a Newspaper—It’s a Soft Blue Hug
Let’s call it what it is: Maryland Matters is a support group for progressives who think The Washington Post has been infiltrated by moderates. It’s where you go when you need a dopamine hit about tax hikes and housing mandates written in the soothing tones of “we know better than you.”
But hey, maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe they are nonpartisan — if your definition of “nonpartisan” is “we all vote the same way, but we don’t yell about it.”
In the end, Maryland Matters does matter. Not because it’s a pillar of balanced journalism, but because it’s the last place where the Left can cosplay as centrists without bursting into laughter. Just don’t forget to recycle your paper when you’re done — the climate editor is watching.
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